


The Hoklonote cave

by Roshwen



Category: Leverage, The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: And that stunt Cassandra pulled in The Eternal Question, And that's the truth, And the Time Loop, Because Ezekiel Remembers, Gen, Honest Conversations, Jake's cousin who went to war and never came back, Minor Leverage cameo, The brain grape, They talk about (in order:)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-21 00:03:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12444912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roshwen/pseuds/Roshwen
Summary: Sometimes you need a place that’s comfortable, secluded and safe, hidden away from the outside world to talk about things that make your blood run cold, your stomach churn and your knees turn to wet porridge at the thought of ever saying them out loud.





	The Hoklonote cave

There’s a reading nook in the Library, between the Ancient Egypt section and the Ancient Greece wing, which is unlike any of the other reading nooks. For a start, this one has a worn out leather couch, instead of chairs. It also has a tiny fridge stocked with beer, a cupboard stocked with tea and instant chocolate milk and a kettle to make it (there’s no tap nearby, but somehow there’s always just enough fresh water in the kettle). In the cupboard there’s three mugs next to the tea and the cocoa: one chipped and a plain dark blue, one with a picture of a kangaroo in sunglasses and a hat and one white with pink polkadots.

For a reading nook, there is also a distinct lack of books. In fact, the only paper there comes from a box of tissues on the sidetable next to the couch.

That’s because the Librarians-in-Training don’t come here to read. They come here to talk.

Ezekiel calls it the Hoklonote cave, or just the cave for short, which makes Jake groan because well, Ezekiel and his ridiculous nicknames always do. But Jake has to admit Ezekiel has a point, because whenever there is something big or difficult or tough one of them needs to talk about, this reading nook is where they go. Because sometimes you need a place that’s comfortable, secluded and safe, hidden away from the outside world to talk about things that make your blood run cold, your stomach churn and your knees turn to wet porridge at the thought of ever saying them out loud. In the cave, the deepest truths come to light and it’s one of the unspoken rules that whatever is said in here, there will be no judgment.

* * *

Jake takes them here first, a couple of days after they come back from Oklahoma, to tell Cassandra and Ezekiel about a childhood marked by a drunk father, a mother who desperately tried to keep up the appearance of a happy Christian family and siblings who just tried to survive together. It had been tough, but at least Jake had always been able to count on his cousin, a guy who felt more like a brother to him than Jake’s actual brothers. The two of them shared everything together, down to the girls they developed crushes on when Jake was still a gangly teenager. Inseparable they were, until Jake’s cousin fell out with his father and promptly went and got himself enlisted in the military, only to disappear without a trace nine months later.

Jake’s world had fallen apart. That is when he seriously started to dig into literature and art history, because if he couldn’t physically escape from the hellhole that his hometown had become at that point, he could damn well create a temporary refuge for his mind. He never stopped wondering what happened, though, far away in the Afghan desert where his cousin walked in and never came back.

When Ezekiel offers to look into what happened to Jake’s cousin, Jake is quiet for a moment before he tells Ezekiel his cousin’s name. Ezekiel grows a little pale because he knows _exactly_ who Jake’s cousin is, which is the start of an entirely different, but no less difficult discussion. It ends with Ezekiel making a couple of phone calls, after which the three of them go for a drink in a Portland brewpub and make some very interesting new friend (after Ezekiel promised to give the scary girl with the taser back the 50.000 dollars he apparently stole from her, that is). So it all turns out alright in the end.

* * *

The Hoklonote cave is also where Cassandra apologizes to Jake and Ezekiel for keeping them in the dark when the brain grape grew to the size of a brain egg. It was just that, well, as long as nobody knew she was about to die, Cassandra herself could keep pretending everything was just fine as well. Until it was too late, of course, but then it wouldn’t really matter anymore. It did not have anything to do with wanting to spare them grief or with making the most of the little time they had left together; it had been pure, selfish avoidance tactics. Ezekiel just nods, says he already figured this out himself and that he probably would have done the exact same thing, which makes Jake look at him darkly and growl ‘don’t you dare’. Jake then quietly tells Cassandra that it’s okay, he understands, but could she please never _ever_ do that again. Thing is, there is no lying in the Hoklonote cave, so Cassandra can’t promise that. If, _if_ the tumour comes back, and that’s about a 25% chance, she has no idea what she will do.

The best she can do is promise Jake she’ll try to tell them if something goes wrong, which she does, and then she quickly looks away so she doesn’t see the pain and fear in his eyes. When Ezekiel asks if a code word would help, Cassandra quietly thanks the ghost of Isaac Newton for giving her someone who always remains so _practical_ when things get really bad, before she says ‘I think brain grape will do.’

They stay in the cave for a long time after that, because once Cassandra has finally started talking about the tumor, living with a death sentence inside her head for ten years and more importantly, trying to adjust to a life _without_ a death sentence, she finds it’s kind of hard to stop. It’s a good thing the box of tissues is one of those magical self-replenishing ones, though.

* * *

 It takes him almost a year, but finally Ezekiel pulls himself together long enough to ask Cassandra and Jake if they could come to the cave with him because he’s got something to tell them as well. They do and at first, they sit in silence on the couch together for almost ten minutes. Ezekiel keeps staring at the floor, swallowing convulsively and clenching his hands, looking like he’s almost on the verge of speaking but without actually saying anything out loud. He looks more lost than Jake or Cassandra have ever seen him, and they are almost ready to call in reinforcements (i.e. Jenkins, who seems to have a certain way with Ezekiel that neither of them have), when Ezekiel utters two words and confirms their worst suspicions: _‘Time loop’._

Yeah, it turns out Ezekiel does remember the time loop and has somehow managed to keep his nightmares, panic attacks and all assorted fun games a secret. When Jake asks in a shaky voice how the fuck Ezekiel managed that, Ezekiel gives a shrug and a hand wave that clearly say _fuck if I know mate._ When Cassandra says that the time loop was almost a _year ago_ , Ezekiel, and all this time you remembered everything and didn’t _tell anyone,_ Ezekiel just looks at her and Cassandra is just in time to catch him before he completely falls apart. Jake has to leave the cave for a moment while Ezekiel is dissolving into a flood of tears in Cassandra’s arms, only to return after a couple of minutes of careful breathing exercises. By this time, Ezekiel has calmed down a little as well. Enough at least to tell Jake and Cassandra everything, and it’s funny: the longer Ezekiel talks, the more horrors he lets out, the more relaxed he becomes until he finally falls quiet, slumped between the two of them with only their arms around them to keep him upright. Then he smiles, the ghost of one of his broad, flashing grins, and mutters: ‘I should’ve told you this months ago, shouldn’t I?’

At which point Jake wraps him up in a giant bear hug and tells Ezekiel he’s a fucking idiot. And Ezekiel, eyes closed and face mushed up against Jake’s shoulder, has to acknowledge the truth of that.


End file.
